


Always, Forever

by this_wicked_love



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: (a bitch is me), A bitch is sad, I don't remember how to tag what is this, I miss Ramsay Bolton, M/M, Minor Theon Greyjoy/Sansa Stark, Ramsay Bolton is the love of Theon's life whether he or anyone else likes it or not, Reek & Theon come together, Sansa has heart eyes and Theon and Reek are like oh boy who's gonna tell her, Thramsay - Freeform, like it's basically a lot incoherent rambling on Theon's part, take my garbage I'm sorry, yeah so 8x03 killed my last braincell with Theon's death so you get this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 04:54:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18653311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_wicked_love/pseuds/this_wicked_love
Summary: Theon and Reek are at odds.Reek misses Ramsay. Theon knows he was a monster.Neither one of them knows how to live without him.set from 8x02-8x03 | with the Thramsay angst we deserved





	Always, Forever

There’s not a night that passes that he doesn’t think of him. For all he seemed to lurk in every corner and every shadow of Reek’s existence in life; in death, it felt that Ramsay’s eyes dwelled in the very air Theon breathed. Every step feels like a betrayal, a sin for which he would be rightly, mercilessly punished. 

If Ramsay were here..

It’s a thought that won’t leave him. Gods help him, it’s a _yearning_. It used to make his skin quiver and his chest blossom with an ache that rolled his pride over in it’s grave. But shame has been the lone companion of his for years. So he doesn’t fight it. Doesn’t try to convince himself he _wants_ to.  


He lets the voice in, the one that whispers sweet longings. That brings him dreams any right man would consider nightmares, but that wake him weeping at the loss of them.

Dreams of long nights in frozen dungeons and warm, wet tongues lapping at the salt of his cheeks. Of trees, and blood, and blades and frantic screams of the innocent. 

But most truthfully, he dreams of a man. The man who beat, broke, and bled him. Carved from him pieces that will never grow back. Who skinned and stitched him back together for himself. His beloved creature. 

It kills Theon, how much of him remains and will always remain Reek. Not for his own sake. He’ll never know who he might’ve been before, and he’s long since stopped wondering. But when he meets the eyes of the ones who still hold on..

Yara. Sansa. It’s almost too much to bear.

It doesn't take long for Yara to accept what is. Though he would expect nothing less of his sister. He isn’t who he was, and he’ll never be who he would have been. He’s a ghost at best, of what he’s become. 

Sansa, though. 

The Lady Stark would never accept such a thought of him. He knows it the moment her eyes fill with water instead of fire, her graceful composure abandoned in favor of throwing her arms around him.

But her gentle flame is no match for the chill in his bones. His trembling arms come around her, and it is his greatest betrayal. His heart all but seizes in his chest, and in his mind the voice offers him a memory. 

His aching knees on stone floor, a warm hand cradling his disfigured one, and a cruel smile that has come to soften for him waiting patiently for him to lift his head. 

_I forgive you_

He gasps quietly, and finally he soothes, his own eyes filling with water as his hands grip Sansa tighter. 

-

Each moment shared with Lady Sansa is a undeserved. It fascinates him. The way her eyes alight as they land on his face in a room. Once, it might have touched him. Either flattered or inflated his ego. Now..it only brings him pain. 

As a boy his thoughts would often wander to Sansa. How could they not? Sansa had never known an ugly moment, and Theon was but a boy. There was a time he even thought Ned might seek to marry them. To entrust him with his daughter. Join their houses. Take him as a son. 

But that had been a boy’s fantasy. 

There had been no room allotted in that boyhood dream, for love. And not once in all the time he’d entertained it, had he spared a thought for _Sansa's_ feelings. There had always been a physical attraction on Theon’s part, but never anything more profound. And Sansa never gave sign that she shared the slightest interest in him even on that level. 

Now, everything is profound. 

Sansa is not the selfish girl she was then. Her heart has opened farther than Theon would have ever thought her capable, or willing. Through all her torment, she has blossomed into a woman of her own making. Brilliant, bright, breathtaking; it all but blinded Theon just to look at her.

In the time they've been reunited, he’s not tried to catch her eye. But it seems, somehow, he’s done it all the same. 

What love had been missing from their union in the past, it is here, now. And ready to promise a future. 

He sees it within her each time their eyes meet. That warmth that only grows brighter with each passing day. It’s scorching. Leaves his flesh burnt and his chest filled with ash. 

It’s not that Theon _couldn't_ love her. He would be hers for as long as life allowed, were she to ask it of him. He would never deny that which she asked. No matter what torture.

But it _would_ be torture.

Already, each day finds him longing for a dead man, some nights leave him a mess of tears. To think of him crying out for his master - _her monster_ \- in their bed? To sleep beside her, knowing that in his dreams, Ramsay lives. That every night he comes for him, slaughtering everyone. To take him back.

To take him home.

How could he let her love him, with secrets like that? 

Theon is no longer the selfish, reckless boy who dreamed of marrying the Stark girl for all the wrong reasons. Nor the selfish, reckless, budding-man. He’d been transformed since then, into something, someone else. 

Reek. 

And _Reek_ had known love. 

That love was crippiling and cruel and consuming. That love ran so deep it was in veins, filled his lungs, kept his heart beating. He’d loved Ramsay with every bit of life he’d left in him. 

_ And he loves him still.  _

Reek loves him so much, Theon weeps for him. To have loved a man who was not a man, but a monster. And to have loved him so truly that, that love lives on. Even as that man lies in his grave. 

Not that Ramsay had been given a grave. If he had..Reek would have longed to be there, always. And may the Gods forgive him, Theon would’ve taken him.

And that’s the problem. Theon stole everything from Reek. For Sansa. He’d stolen what chance Reek might’ve had to save or die for his love. Everyday since Theon has lived with twice the guilt. Both Reek’s and his own. And after all this time, what fine line separated them before, has begun to blur beyond recognition. 

Theon could love Sansa, perhaps more than anyone. 

But Reek won’t let him. 

-

Theon sits with the knowledge that he can’t live like this anymore, quietly. Reek offers them up in the hopes that fate will take it from there. 

_‘If we die, we die.’_ Reek whispers. 

Theon agrees. _‘But if we live, I’ll **live**.’_

And when the dead come, it is both Reek and Theon who face them. Theon’s fighting keeps the corpses at bay, and Reek offers him memory after memory of his master, his love. It fills him with emotion, gives him a strength he needs as the last of the arrows run out. The line is blurred more than ever, and it almost feels like Theon is fighting for-

The Night King stands, and Theon can only stare. Their question has been answered. This night will end everything for them. They won’t see another sunrise. 

With heaving breaths the two accept their conjoined fate. Each inhale holds the taste of fear. But it isn’t theirs, it’s the others’. Reek steps back then, allowing Theon to think of Jon who was fighting for his life, all their lives. Of _Robb_. Of the only family he’d known that he’d all but completely lost. 

“Theon.”

Theon turns. Bran’s eyes are on him, the expression on his face almost recognizable. 

“You’re a good man.” he tells him, calmly. “Thank you.” 

And it’s sealed.

When Theon charges forward, he thinks about the Starks. One by one, their faces flash through his mind. 

Ned. Catelyn. Robb. Jon. Bran. Rickon. Arya. Sansa.

His spear is blocked and broken, and when it pierces him, it’s almost familiar. His mind goes blank for a moment. And when he falls, all he sees is sky. 

But then he’s back, mere hours ago, smiling over his last meal with Sansa. He remembers how he made her laugh, the sound of it almost calms him. 

He blinks, and the memory washes away. Lost. His head turns and he hears another voice, this one deep and soothing.

_ Reek _

Theon could sob. He labors out a breath and opens himself up, letting Reek in, letting them become one again. 

Finally, he allows himself to dream of Ramsay, of raven hair and striking eyes. The feel of those lethal hands on his cheek, searching for nothing but sensation. Affection.

He would laugh if he could, remembering his promise. How proud his heart would be of his pet. 

His breath begins to rattle, another promise creeping in as with a smile, he begins to fade. 

A final memory echoes through him. A gentle whisper, twisted and morbid. That shouldn’t offer him the peace it brings:

_Until you're rotting in the ground.._  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Never written anything for GOT before, so take it easy on me. Hopefully I didn't butcher anything, but I had to get this crap out of me! Cause let's be honest, no matter what Theon might have been capable of feeling for Sansa given the time, no one could replace Ramsay Bolton. 
> 
> If anyone enjoys this, please let me know! xx


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